The hardest part of my divorce has been carrying the guilt of not giving my kids an “intact” family.

In my case, my ex-husband walked out on us while I was pregnant with our second child. To everyone’s surprise, he cut off all contact.

With me.
And with our children.

In the thick of divorce negotiations—and long after—I couldn’t stop blaming myself.

Why did I choose this man to be the father of my children?

I felt responsible for the pain my kids were going through and that they are now fatherless because of a decision I made.

It pains me to think:
My innocent children didn’t ask for this.

Even though I’ve made peace with the fact that I’ll never fully understand why my ex-husband made the choices he did… I internalized it as my fault.

💔The Guilt Hit Me at Unexpected Moments

Like one morning at Tim Hortons, I saw a father holding hands with his giggling daughter, about the same age as mine, picking out a muffin.

I froze.
Because my daughter might never know that kind of father-daughter joy.

Or when I’d see a dad and son:

⚽Playing football at the park
🎮Laughing over video games
🤝Sharing quiet bonding moments

The kind of masculine connection my son doesn’t get to experience.

Even the small things—like seeing whole families together at outings—would twist something inside me.

The pain is the loudest during special occasions.
Especially on Mother’s Day.

And as I write this—with tears streaming down my face—I acknowledge the pain that’s still flowing through me.

But I'm approaching it differently.

🔄 The Shift 

About two years ago, I was listening to a podcast by a well-known coach who was expecting her first child.

She said something that cracked my mind and heart wide open:

“I’m so grateful that my daughter chose my husband as her dad.”

Frozen in front of my computer, I wondered:

What if my children chose us, too?

I’m not here to argue about soul contracts or embryo consciousness.
But opening myself to that possibility changed how I saw my divorce guilt.

🌱 What If This Is Their Path?

❓What if my son’s journey includes having a dad who was by his side for five and a half years… and then left?
❓What if my daughter came into this world knowing she wouldn’t grow up with a dad in the traditional sense?
❓What if they chose this family?

If that’s true, then carrying guilt doesn’t just hurt me—
It disempowers them.

It takes away my kids’ agency.
It puts them in the victim seat.
It assumes they are powerless.

And that is FAR from the truth.

💪If They Chose Me, What is My Job?

That realization helped me see something clearly.

My job is not to:

❌Drown in guilt
❌Feel sorry for my kids
❌Feel sorry for myself

My only job is to:

👣 Walk alongside them with insatiable curiosity and unconditional love
🕯️ Guide them
👀 Witness them
🪶 Learn from them
💗 Hold space for all their pain, joy, confusion, and growth
📣 Be their biggest cheerleader
🎉 Celebrate them

Damn right.
Their precious lives are worth celebrating. 🍾

They were born into this story for a reason.
This is their life.
And they will walk their path in their own way.

And part of their strength will come from growing up with a strong, present mother by their side.

🛡️The Choice

So in the face of injustice, uncertainty, pain, and fear…
I choose to acknowledge and embrace the power within my children—and within myself.

I choose to leave my victim seat and live in victory.

Because honestly?

What the heck is the point of choosing anything else?

🌸 On this Mother’s Day, I want to thank my children.

Thank you for choosing me.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for your forgiveness.
Thank you for your pure love.

To my son:

Thank you for being defiant.
For showing me how diverse and brilliant the mind can be.
For reminding me not to overcompensate.
For allowing me to explore the full range of emotions with you.
For inviting me into your Lego building, Minecraft, and imagination world.

To my daughter:

Thank you for being the sweet, fierce soul that you are.
For showing me what it means to embody your femininity fully.
For dancing like no one’s watching.
For loving all things pink.
For saying “no” with confidence and “yes” with determination and unshakable joy.

Thank you both for inspiring me to live boldly, fully, and unapologetically.
For being my mirror, reflecting my flaws, love, and light to me.

You are the greatest teachers I never knew I needed.
I am immensely grateful to be your mom. 🙏👩🏻‍👧🏻‍👦🏻